ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
I don't know when it happened, but it's been a process, I'll tell you that.
I think it might've started when I got 'engaged' when I was 13. Or maybe it started when I broke it off because I didn't know what love really meant, because I thought I loved two people at the same time. Or maybe it was when I realized that love isn't always what you read about, or hear about, or watch on TV. Or maybe it was when I realized that if it is, I'd never really felt it before. Maybe it was when I saw the photo of me, edited to remove a characteristic people thought I wanted to be without, but which I'd come to accept as part of me.
Maybe it was the first time a girl cheated on me. Maybe it was the first time I cheated on a girl. Maybe it was when my dog died, and no one bothered to tell me about it until I came home one day to find him gone. Maybe it was when my parents decided that, since I was raised and on my own, they could split and sell my childhood home. Maybe it was when I first argued about something with someone who didn't care about the subject at all, and just wanted to argue.
Maybe it started the first time I just stopped doing homework assignments to see what would happen. Or maybe it was the first time someone online thought I was 35 when I was really 15. Maybe it was after the 15th girl left me for another guy. Maybe it was the first one to leave me for another woman. Maybe it was when I stopped playing games for fun and started playing them for trophies.
Maybe it all began when I first really looked in the mirror and really saw what other people saw. Maybe it was when I wrote my first story and learned how powerless I really was in my own life. Maybe it started at science camp. Maybe it started when we stopped going camping because of the bears. Maybe it was when I realized that the good things don't last if you don't fight for them, and by then I was too tired to fight.
Maybe it was when the first game fell through. Maybe it was the first time I broke down because even when everyone was listening, no one heard what I wanted to say. Maybe it was the first time I broke down because there was no one in a list of over 140 numbers that I knew would pick up if I dialed the phone. Maybe it was after I dialed one, and they hung up before I could choke out a word.
Maybe it was a lot of things, or just one that started it. I don't know. All I know is that at some point I started to become who I am today.
And I hate me sometimes.
I really do.
I think it might've started when I got 'engaged' when I was 13. Or maybe it started when I broke it off because I didn't know what love really meant, because I thought I loved two people at the same time. Or maybe it was when I realized that love isn't always what you read about, or hear about, or watch on TV. Or maybe it was when I realized that if it is, I'd never really felt it before. Maybe it was when I saw the photo of me, edited to remove a characteristic people thought I wanted to be without, but which I'd come to accept as part of me.
Maybe it was the first time a girl cheated on me. Maybe it was the first time I cheated on a girl. Maybe it was when my dog died, and no one bothered to tell me about it until I came home one day to find him gone. Maybe it was when my parents decided that, since I was raised and on my own, they could split and sell my childhood home. Maybe it was when I first argued about something with someone who didn't care about the subject at all, and just wanted to argue.
Maybe it started the first time I just stopped doing homework assignments to see what would happen. Or maybe it was the first time someone online thought I was 35 when I was really 15. Maybe it was after the 15th girl left me for another guy. Maybe it was the first one to leave me for another woman. Maybe it was when I stopped playing games for fun and started playing them for trophies.
Maybe it all began when I first really looked in the mirror and really saw what other people saw. Maybe it was when I wrote my first story and learned how powerless I really was in my own life. Maybe it started at science camp. Maybe it started when we stopped going camping because of the bears. Maybe it was when I realized that the good things don't last if you don't fight for them, and by then I was too tired to fight.
Maybe it was when the first game fell through. Maybe it was the first time I broke down because even when everyone was listening, no one heard what I wanted to say. Maybe it was the first time I broke down because there was no one in a list of over 140 numbers that I knew would pick up if I dialed the phone. Maybe it was after I dialed one, and they hung up before I could choke out a word.
Maybe it was a lot of things, or just one that started it. I don't know. All I know is that at some point I started to become who I am today.
And I hate me sometimes.
I really do.
You ever have one of those lives?
This is kind of a Cliffnotes version of my life. All the details chopped away. Some of the major plots points left out for space. You know, missing all the good stuff.
Of course, I suppose that's for you to decide.
This is kind of a Cliffnotes version of my life. All the details chopped away. Some of the major plots points left out for space. You know, missing all the good stuff.
Of course, I suppose that's for you to decide.
© 2015 - 2024 Felanore
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In